


It's Quiet Uptown

by WildConcerto



Series: nothing is so healing as the human touch [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond, Touch-Starved Rey, Touch-starved Kylo, Tumblr Prompt, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 06:05:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7923427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildConcerto/pseuds/WildConcerto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wants nothing more than a presence, something near him, that could convince him he isn't just in a void... but the only person he can reach is someone who wants nothing to do with him. [Originally a Tumblr prompt for briarlily]</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Quiet Uptown

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for abuse victim behavior. Basically, kids… the way Kylo thinks of Snoke at the beginning of the prompt is not okay. At all. But sadly, that’s how too much victims consider their abuser after a while…

He probably deserved it, even though there’s that nagging feeling telling him that _maybe the Supreme Leader isn’t so wise and that he’s wrong._

He doesn’t regret, somehow, sending word to his mother that the First Order was planning to destroy the Ileenium system just like it had destroyed Hosnian Prime. He doesn’t regret Starkiller Base exploding into thousands, if not millions of detritus now floating probably everywhere in the galaxy as some sort of morbid reminder. What he regrets is that he’s now a traitor, no better than the ones who came across his path 

And so, the Supreme Leader was right in punishing him and leaving him to heal on his own.

_Remember, Kylo Ren, no one else cares for you, now. Not after what you’ve done. There’s only me._

He recalls himself all too well his fa – Han Solo’s words, that the Supreme Leader merely used him as a tool, a human weapon, just to throw him away when he’d be of no use to him anymore. He knows this is true. But he is caught in a strange paradox where he is also convinced he has no one else to turn to except for Snoke.

Yet, there is that small bond he managed to hide from the Supreme Leader, and he can’t help but feel a sense of childish pride that he succeeded to do so.

The only problem is that she wants nothing to with him.

Well, there’s a whole load of problems between the two of them, but it’s a good way to sum it all up. 

Ever since their last encounter, he had never tried to reach her using the bond. He wondered if she was just as aware of it as he was, and how she felt about it. In that case, she was probably not too happy about it, at the very least, and was probably trying to cut it off, without success, certainly, since Force bonds were very hard to break. The more powerful the bonded people were with the Force, the stronger the bond was.

Kylo Ren knew he was one of the most powerful Force users alive. And if she had managed to beat him _twice_ , while she was still untrained, then she was probably extremely powerful as well.

A severed bond made either ends (or one end, if the case was that the other had died) feel extremely lonely and helpless, as if part of them was gone. He didn’t dare to imagine how it would feel if such a thing happened to them both.

He already felt lonely and helpless, with no one to turn towards to… except maybe her, but it was probably only wishful thinking. And to believe a severed bond could be worse… he didn’t want to think about it anymore.

_Are you there?_

This was probably a very bad idea, tugging at her like this. She would probably tell him to go to hell, but at least, it would show him that no matter what, he wasn’t quite alone, even though that other presence hated him.

_What do you want?_

Her voice sounded annoyed, and tired, and he could feel, if he concentrated a bit, that her body was exhausted as well, as if she had given a great physical effort all day. It wasn’t too hard for him to guess that she had probably found Skywalker, and that he had started to train her as his apprentice.

He couldn’t help but smirk a bit. He had seen enough in her to see she was no Jedi.

She was a fascinating contradiction. She was so Light, and yet, so opposed to the Jedi code’s principles, without falling into Sith-like characteristics…

Just like he was. So Dark, yet, he knew he wasn’t able to yield to the Sith code’s principles, and because of that, he was a failure…

He knows she can also sense how he feels as well. She shows a bit of concern as she realizes he’s been… well, punished, except she’s not quite aware of that detail. She tries her best to conceal it, but it’s no use.

 _What happened to you?_ She tries her best to sound casual, but she fails miserably.

_I deserved it._

She gulps, as she seems to realize the extent of his injuries. She knows he can barely move his left arm without being in pain, and she even starts to wonder if it isn’t broken… She shivers in disgust, not because of him, but because she knows who did it to him. He sees pictures running in her mind of a sluggish-looking creature giving her a quarter portion for scraps of metal worth much more than that, and her starved face looking in hatred at the creature when he’s not looking at her. But this… she’s never known that kind of cruelty.

 _That’s… that’s not okay,_ she mutters.

The silence is tense between the two of them.

 _You’re right,_ he finally admits, and he sounds far too much like a lost little boy.

For a moment, Rey forgets that he’s Kylo Ren.

She closes her eyes, and meditates, just like how Master Luke taught her. She’s never liked that exercise, seeing it as boring and useless, but as she becomes more and more serene, she sends those vibes towards his way.

His despair fades away, but he is still tense, his legs cradled against his body.

Rey knows that position all too well. She would do that some nights on Jakku, while she would glance up towards the wall where there were all her markings. She would always try to look away, the thousands and thousands of small lines only making her feel miserable, but she was somehow unable to.

In those moments, she just wanted someone – something to touch her reassuringly, and tell her that she wasn’t alone, or, at least, that she wouldn’t stay alone for much longer.

He feels the same way she did, in her old AT-AT.

There’s only one thing she can do, and for some reason, there is no hatred, no resentment that is able to stop her.

She concentrates, reaching towards him towards the bond. He feels small arms cradling him in a hug, a bit hesitant and shy at first, before she gets a bit more confident and squeezes him tightly and softly all at the same time.

She can see his lips stretching in a wet smile, and she knows it’s his way of thanking her.

She draws away, especially that her effort has somewhat exhausted her, as she slowly falls asleep, and he is finally able to do so as well without the pain keeping him awake.

It is only the next morning she realizes what she has done.

If Master Luke knew…

She should be ashamed of herself, sympathizing with him, and…

But Rey, for some reason, regrets nothing, and she also has no qualms keeping everything to herself.

It’s their little secret, and she hates the fact that she feels a bit giddy about it.

The worst is that she’s sensing he’s feeling exactly the same as her about the whole thing.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd really appreciate feedback! You can also come and bug me on my Tumblr: cosette-giry.tumblr.com


End file.
